Sydney 2024 Food Predictions Review
From radical self-reflection comes radical acceptance that I do not always get it right.
Gazing into my crystal ball does not always yield accurate results. As per my Sydney Food Predictions list (a record I hope to now house here rather than reel-ish instagram), let’s see how close I was. Was it truly foretold? 🔮
Kingfish crudo out, pickled mussels in
Living on a land girt by sea, I never truly disliked the kingfish crudo. A bit of yuzu? Segmented grapefruit or blood orange depending on the season? Worse things have happened on a plate. While crudo remains in, and likely always will be, snapper and trout seem to have yoinked the crown from kingfish as the fish de année. The latter part of my prediction remains steadfast as Broadsheet is just now citing a mussel comeback, “there’s a new bivalve in town”, pure validation that pickled mussels are most certainly in. I purchased Luke Powell’s Quality Meats cookbook mostly for the pickled mussels recipe Bella Brutta has been serving for a while. TICK
Magnum to re-release the "7 Deadly Sins" and/or "The Sixties-Nine" range (been hanging for Guava Lamp’s return since the early 00’s)
Perhaps the most disappointing misfire of all. Please. Streets, I beg of you. I may legitimately start a petition. BRING IT BACK. NOPE
Return of the neenish tart, unirocnically
I can’t read minds. But I want to believe. But facts are important. We need @neenish_hunters here in Sydney, or at least a team who mirrors their enthusiasm to broadcast the good word. MAYBE
Actually, school fête chic (honey jumbles, toffees, chocolate crackles) to grace every trendy Surry Hills casual fine dining dessert menu
RIP my DMs on January 3rd when Miss Sina announced their new nostalgia-heavy menu. It’s not a casual fine dining spot but they are in Surry Hills. But whatever, I’m sure some irony-poisoned opening backed by a content agency promising viral results will make a chocolate crackle pie with coconut crémeux happen by the year’s end. KINDA
EDIT: Lune Croissanterie literally have cruff named SCHOOL FÊTE. Ayyeee.
Pizzerias lean into gamey salami (duck saucisson etc)
With the rise of accessible high-heat home pizza ovens (a great thing), I had good money on this one as I gazed to my Gozney through my crystal ball. I suspect the first step to a winged saucisson pizza is some sponsored content via Luv-A-Duck or something. I’ll be watching the food influencers for this one in 2025. NOPE
Black Stump to return with high end bistro concept in the western suburbsI I love seeing old Black Stump profiles on Yelp, but a tasty Steak Diane dinner will need to wait. NOPE
Toney’s Chocoloney officially moves from niche to normie
I see Toney’s around on the reg beyond Harris Farm, so I guess so? I thought I was soooo coooool receiving a caramel sea salt block from a Dutch Airbnb host in 2015. TICK
Proper onigiri will have a moment
Otogo. Mogu Mogu. Domo 39. Annoying people bragging about discovering it all first. TICK
Gelato Messina HQ / compound to have its own inner-west postcode
I welcome Rich Street’s mysterious aura with its tiny carpark and occasional pop-up anytime I drive past or cop a Coco Loco whenever this hero is on rotation, however Gelato Messina HQ firmly remains in the 2204. NOPE
The re-romanticisation of chefs screaming in the kitchen to get babes thanks to The Bear
I was going to tell a story about the last bout of seriously bad chef behaviour I’d experienced on a photo shoot pre-The Bear. Let’s not though – on a serious note concerning distressing and reprehensible hospitality conduct, please take a look at Good Food’s investigations into alleged sexual assault across Sydney restaurant groups if you haven’t already.
George Calombaris x Qantas business class menu controversy
Georgey’s sticking to the car dancing. NOPE
Severe Asian fusion will rear its head again. Som tum tacos, chorizo char kway teow, hot cross banh mi
Does this delicious looking tonkatsu taco at Rico’s count? TICK
In an attempt to curb inflationary pressure, the Albanese government will issue one (1) meat tray per household a la 2009 Rudd Bucks. (Chaos will ensue when it’s discovered Marrickvillians are receiving legs of lamb and scotch fillets while those outside the 2204 receive sizzle steaks, snags and filler rissoles)
Fast train Albo has been a huge disappointment and this is one such example. Show me the firmly plastic wrapped styrofoam meat tray with obligatory curly parsley! I wanna feel the elation of a raffle ticket win on the tax payer’s dime. NOPE
The wine bar filet-o-fish to transcend trend and become a menu mainstay for it is elite
YES! Thank you Bart Jr., Kosta’s, Self Raised Bread Shoppe, insert your favourite place here. Fry those fish filets and put ‘em in my mouth. As a Maccas Filet-O-Fish devotee, this irrefutable prophecy of mine sparks joy. TICK
Tableside service (pesto making, tiramisu scooping) to jump the shark: hibachi grills on gilded trolleys in the dining room will be smoking up the joint
Look, not quite, but I’m aware the abominable tableside tiramisu trend intensifies. I say abominable for two reasons. One, because I’ve watched enough content-lords preparing tiramisu in their home vegetable crisper and the idea of crispy bits amongst the marscapone evokes visceral reactions in me. And two is mainly ignorance because I’ve never dined at a’Mare et al., so what happens when the tiramisu tray is down to the dregs? Pizza Hut all you can eats and the occasional blessed buffets of yore (RIP Canterbury Leagues buffet of the 90s) had the civility to replace the dessert troughs once the spongey, self-saucing chocolate cake was down to around 15% dregs. You know, when the scraped icing marks begin to seriously outweigh the slab. I need to know how the lavish tray operates at low capacity in these fine establishments – they’re only ever photographed pristinely and being scooped straight outta the kitchen. Not everyone can be anointed by the very first excavation. Hypothetically, being presented with a mostly empty tiramisu tray at the table would absolutely destroy my self-esteem. Sorry, you don’t look Tik-Tok-ish enough to warrant a freshy, you are dregs so you get the dregs.
OH, and Icebergs have been serving tableside lasagne. Dio mio. There’s no hibachi smoke but the white tablecloth is enough to warrant a TICK.
EDIT: Thank you David for alerting me to Delta Rue’s bánh mì trolley. TICK TICK TICK.
On second thoughts, somewhere in Barangaroo will circle back with tableside Crêpes Suzette for our Nobu-loving influencer friends
Can we please draw the line of doting tableside service at pouring a bit of jus over beef, or custard in soufflé? Apparently not. Brasserie-ish dessert carts are so hot right now (haven’t I already mentioned gilded carts above?), so I’m going to audaciously say TICK.
From cupcakes to macarons to donuts: madeleines will be the next big handheld sweet treat
While Madeleine de Proust in Melbourne does its thing, madeleines here in Sydney remain a cosy French niche. I only say niche because they’re yet to become a ~~~viral~~~ trend here. They just are. Good for them. I don’t need to see pistachio-filled iterations of something so pure. NOPE
Caviar bumps out, wheatgrass shots in
This has been a very misguided prediction. Not only do caviar bumps endure but I foretold the wrong green bitter bev too. Wheatgrass shots remain out, insane matcha frenzy is in. I experienced my first caviar bump at work this year and honestly, it was pretty, pretty good. That being said I was on the high seas (Sydney Harbour) and away from the Mimi’s masses so that makes it ok - I didn’t partake in a trend if I didn’t pay for it! NOPE
Hyper-local McDonald’s collabs, ie McDonald’s x Zumbo. The V8 cake is back… in McFlurry form
Ffuuuuuuu-. Instead of vanilla layered Masterchef nostalgia glory we received the Minions McFlurry. This is insulting on so many levels – I’m allergic to real bananas and fake banana flavour is just so despicable, to me.
As predicted, a new croissant shape was forged (Wheel Croissant). Up next: the croissant SPHERE
Croissant balls AKA ballsants (hahah) are REAL.
While croissant spheres reside in Melbourne by way of Hong Kong, Sydney’s Tenacious Bakery has introduced the cronigiri (hahahahaha) by way of La Levain in Singapore. TICK
Orthodox Easter celebrations to become mainstream, Cypriot flaounes will go viral while Curtis Stone smashes red eggs on Coles commercials #bonza #OPA
Unfortunately society hasn’t evolved to this level of ethnic acceptance yet. Malakas. NOPE
Banana splits in
I was certain some faux-retro new opening this year pulled this off, but I must have dreamt it. Fuck it, I’m allergic to them anyway (I’m just projecting because I love and miss bananas). NOPE
Quality Streets and Whittaker’s chocolate boxes to once again reign supreme over the deplorable Cadbury Favourites
First, a correction: I meant Whitman’s Sampler Box, not Whittaker’s, and they are sadly no longer being distributed to Australia. I don’t want a Moro, I want to peruse the bonbon menu for everything caramely and chewy under the lid, I want to unfurl the radiant foil of a toffee finger, I want the 1999 sophistication and excitement of it all. NOPE
Artisanal pasta water sold by influencers
I’m sighing with relief. NOPE
Josh Niland to open sustainable swordfish steakhouse
No, but, there is a new Saint Peter with dry aged tuna rib and skirt on the menu, and Petermen’s sample menu notes a swordfish sirloin on the bone… close enough? Perhaps a premonition but not quite. NOPE
Providoor 2.0 bankruptcy incoming
It’s very bold to purchase a bankrupt company with a tarnished name. In any case, it’s all looking very My-Muscle-Chef-fy over there. Where are the gains? The macros? NOPE
Salt Bae bankruptcy incoming
This has nothing to do with Sydney, Alana! IRRELEVANT
Several more cafés with “deli” suffix to open leading to worldwide mortadella shortage
Continental Deli, Small’s Deli, Norma’s Deli, Cut Lunch Deli, Brooklyn Bridge Deli, Frank’s Deli, MLK Deli, Tothy Brother’s Deli, Good Ways Deli. 2manydelis. Thankfully there’s no mortadella shortage, but it’s wild witnessing the mania over something my mum used to pack my brother and I for lunch. NOPE, BUT YEAH KINDA YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING AT, MY LOCAL DELI (ACTUAL DELI NOT A SANDWICH SHOP) DIDN’T HAVE THE GOOD STUFF THIS ONE TIME SO MAYBE IT’S A TICK I DUNNO
Caramilk liquorice bullets. I dunno
I may have hit the melatonin too hard on this one. NOPE
Supermarket hot chooks as birthday cakes TikTok trend
I guarantee you it’s coming – I may even slap it on my next list. NOPE BUT SOON
Yiayia and Teta's weathered, checkered tablecloths and enormous Bessemer (yes, the orange ones) to become the grazing table de jour. No more linen, no more lone asparagus stalks as horizontal ikebana
We got that laced-and-weathered apron pasta granny chic gaining traction. If Bessemer isn’t in vogue by next year I’ll gain influencer status to cop a book deal and I will make it happen, for spite. NOPE
Crabs in
NOPE
Gorgeous crudité in, charcuterie butter boards with wine glass salami roses out
I’ve stopped paying attention to Midwestern women and their pinterest accounts so I’ll need some external help on this one. Slide into my DMs. NOPE (?)
Large section of dining space in the new Western Sydney airport to be leased to The Grounds of Alexandria. "The Hanger" will feature whimsical fairy floss carts (or “””clouds””") much to the dismay of all parents ready to board
Should’ve saved this one for when the airport actually opens (though I’m sure I’ll be dead by then). NOPE
Doughnut Time to return with "freakshake" range, will be largely ignored
I guess I really did put an end to this in 2015. RIP. NOPE
There may be another misguided crack at a “cereal bar”
This is not the economic climate and I apologise for predicting a more optimistic financial time that encourages the purchasing of milk in a bowl. Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are half price at Woolies right now, FYI. NOPE
Hope St brought back the Banana Split in Melbourne https://www.instagram.com/p/DBcWxb4TqBx/?hl=en&img_index=1
Had me at ‘There is a new bivalve in town’